Thursday, October 6, 2011
Chav-Spotting at Asda
Chav britannicus - a sub-category of the homo sapiens species, noun. Describes a youth or young adult, either male or female. Typically spotted in pink velour or Adidas tracksuits, Burberry (either real or counterfeit), caps with flat brims worn askew, and bright jewelry commonly known as "bling." They congregate in city centres and can be recognized by their distinctive version of proto-English.
Common phrases uttered by chavs include "bruv", "Am I bovvered", and "Wharru on about?" Education is minimal. Skin is an unusual shade of orange that is not naturally occurring in the human world.
Chavs enjoy R&B and hip-hop music, even though they may have racist attitudes towards people who usually sing such genres. They see themselves as glamorous and cool, although this opinion is not shared by other, more productive members of society. A Chav has no motivation to better himself outside of pimping his ride.
Female chavs sport the "Council House face lift" - a skin-tight ponytail pulled back so tightly that the skin around the eyes is lifted. The female chav can be spotted in her natural habitat of a shopping centre, pushing a pram around with mini-chavs in the making whilst enjoying a cigarette.
Spokespeople for chavs include Katie Price, the footballer Wayne Rooney, Kerry Katona, and the entire cast of The Only Way is Essex.
Chavs are not a phenomenon occurring solely in England. Other cultures have also reported sightings of chavs, including Scotland (NEDs - Non-educated Delinquents), North America (white trash), Russia (gopniks), Australia (bogans), and Ireland (Skangers).
Standard descriptions of chavs can range from "low-life scum" to "dregs of society," but usually the adjectival form "chavvy" is enough to adequately define the chav to the proper degree.
If you are interested in observing this curious sub-species, a trip to one of their stomping grounds, the superstore chain Asda, is an excellent place to start. Although their demeanor and behaviour intimidated me to the point where I was too scared to snap more than one quick photograph, I certainly saw a fair share of chavs and left the store satisfied with my cultural experience.
I hope you enjoyed this brief introduction to a curious breed of human, indeed - the Chav.
Posted by KStarr at 9:06 AM